Living with Roommates

Living with a roommate is a shared experience that offers valuable opportunities for personal growth, communication, and learning. Not only does it allow you to develop patience and conflict-resolution skills, but it also helps you build lasting relationships and a sense of community. The benefits of having a roommate include sharing responsibilities, enjoying companionship, and learning from each other's perspectives.

While conflicts may arise, most can be managed with open communication and a willingness to compromise. Remember, living with someone else also means gaining new experiences and creating memories together. If challenges do arise, don’t hesitate to reach out to your Resident Assistant (RA) or any Residential Life staff, we’re here to support you and help find solutions.

Get Started on Your Roommate Agreement

Within the first two weeks of moving in together, you and your roommate(s) will complete a Roommate Agreement, which sets expectations around cleaning, guests, quiet hours, and shared spaces. This agreement is meant to guide honest conversations and can be updated at any time if things change. If you need additional support, your RA is available to help facilitate the process.

Complete Your Roommate Agreement

Your Guide to Living with Roommates

Tips for Successful Living

Living with someone new takes effort. Keep these in mind:

Communicate early and often – Talk about expectations for noise, cleanliness, and guests before problems arise.
Respect differences – Everyone has unique habits, schedules, and cultures.
Be mindful of space – Clean up after yourself and share chores fairly.
Protect privacy – Respect your roommate’s personal belongings and boundaries.
Compromise and adapt – Flexibility goes a long way in shared living.
Build connection – Watch a show, share a meal, or just check in with each other. Small efforts build positive relationships.

Handling Conflict

Disagreements are valid. How you approach them matters:

Address issues early – Don’t let small frustrations fester.
Use the Roommate Agreement – Revisit it to clarify expectations.
Stay respectful – Focus on behaviors, not personalities.
Try Anna Carrol's COIN Conversation Model:

It is a great tool for having effective and respectful conversations about conflicts:
- C (Context): Start by setting the context of the issue. For example, “I noticed last night…”
- O (Observation): Share what you observed without judgment. For example, “There was loud music coming from your side of the room around 11 PM.”
- I (Impact): Express how the situation affected you. For example, “It was difficult for me to concentrate on studying, and I started to feel anxious about my midterm.”
- N (Next Steps): Propose a solution or ask for feedback. For example, “Can we agree on quiet hours in the room starting at 10 PM so we both can study and rest?”
This method helps keep the conversation respectful and solution-focused, avoiding blame and encouraging collaboration.
Seek help if needed – Ask your RA to facilitate a conversation.

Mediation & Support

We expect roommates to try communication and mediation before requesting mediation but sometimes you need a neutral guide. Our staff can facilitate a roommate mediation:

Led by your Resident Assistant (RA), Graduate Resident Director (GRD), Assistant Resident Director (ARD), or Resident Director (RD) in a structured process.
The goal of a mediation is to reach mutual understanding and agreement.
If conflicts remain unresolved, staff will discuss next steps.
Because space is limited, room changes are not always possible and are considered a last resort.

Policies

To keep our community safe, supportive, and inclusive, everyone is responsible for knowing and following our housing policies.

Resources

Your RA is the first point of contact for any support.
Reach out to your Resident Director (RD) / Graduate Resident Director (GRD) for ongoing issues.
If you're not sure who to contact, email us at hello@orl.ucla.edu, and we will connect you with your Resident Director.
If you need mental health support, connect with Counseling & Psychological Services (CAPS).

FAQs

Can I remove my roommate if things aren’t working out?

No. Conflicts must be addressed through communication and support from staff. Removal is not a solution that you can decide on.

What if my roommate never cleans?

Talk it through and revisit your agreement. If it continues, ask your RA to help mediate.

What if I feel unsafe?

Your safety comes first. Contact your RA, RD, or UCPD right away.

What if mediation doesn’t work?

If no resolution is possible, staff will discuss room change options.

What if my roommate is too loud or I need quiet time?

Agree on quiet hours. If noise continues, talk with your roommate or ask your RA to mediate.

What if my roommate brings too many guests?

Set boundaries early. Guests are limited (up to 2 per resident). If issues persist, involve your RA.

Can I request a room change just because we don’t “click”?

Not always. Mediation comes first. Room changes are limited and not guaranteed.

What if my roommate uses my stuff without asking?

Set clear boundaries. If it keeps happening, involve your RA.

What if my roommate never talks to me?

Try starting small — ask them to join for a meal or quick check-in. If silence leads to tension, revisit your agreement or seek staff support.

What happens if my roommate moves out?

A new roommate may be assigned. Keep the space ready and welcoming.

Why It's Worth It

Living with a roommate helps you:

Build friendships that last beyond college
Gain communication and conflict-resolution skills
Learn from someone with different experiences

Many students look back and realize their roommate was one of the most memorable parts of their UCLA journey.

Happy Rooming!