Living with Roommates

Roommate Communication Guide

Living with a roommate can be a rewarding experience, but it can also come with some challenges. Good communication is the key to navigating these challenges and building a positive living environment. This guide will help you and your roommate(s) communicate effectively, resolve conflicts, and maintain a healthy living situation. 

Remember, no living situation is perfect, but with open communication and mutual respect, you can create a positive and supportive environment for both you and your roommate(s).

1. Start with a Solid Foundation: Roommate Agreements

• Discuss Expectations Early:
  At the beginning of the year, sit down with your roommate to discuss your expectations. Topics to cover might include cleaning schedules, quiet hours, guest policies, and personal space. Being on the same page from the start can prevent misunderstandings later on.
   
• Sign and Review Your Roommate Agreement:
  The Roommate Agreement is a document that outlines the expectations and guidelines you and your roommate(s) agree upon. Review it regularly, especially when conflicts arise, and update it as needed to reflect any changes or compromises.
  • All Hill & UA North Doubles and Triples - complete the Roommate Agreement. Additionally, if you share your apartment, plaza bathroom, or suite with roommates, you will also complete the Apartments, Plazas, and Suites Roommate Agreement.
  • Hill Plaza Pods and Single Suites - complete the Apartments, Plazas, and Suites Roommate Agreement. 
  • UA North and South Shared Apartments - complete  Apartments, Plazas, and Suites Roommate Agreement.

2. Effective Communication Tips

• Be Honest and Direct:
  If something is bothering you, address it directly with your roommate. Avoid letting small issues build up over time, as they can turn into bigger problems. Be clear about what you need or how you feel without being confrontational.
   
• Use “I” Statements:
  When discussing a concern, frame your statements using “I” rather than “You.” For example, instead of saying, “You never clean up,” try, “I feel frustrated when the kitchen is left dirty.” This approach reduces defensiveness and focuses on your feelings rather than placing blame.
   
• Listen Actively:
  Give your roommate the chance to share their perspective. Listen without interrupting, and try to understand their point of view. Acknowledge their feelings, even if you don’t agree with them.
   
• Stay Calm and Respectful:
  If emotions run high during a conversation, take a moment to calm down before continuing. Keeping the conversation respectful, even when you’re upset, helps prevent escalation and encourages problem-solving.

3. Resolving Conflicts

• Address Issues Early:
  If you notice a problem, bring it up as soon as possible. Don’t wait for the issue to resolve itself—it likely won’t. The sooner you address the issue, the easier it will be to resolve.
   
• Find a Solution Together:
  Approach conflicts with a problem-solving mindset. Work together to find a compromise that both of you can agree on. Remember, the goal is to create a living situation that works for both of you, not to “win” the argument.
   
• Schedule a Neutral Discussion:
  Choose a time to talk when neither of you is stressed or distracted. Avoid bringing up issues in the heat of the moment, and instead set aside time to calmly discuss the problem and potential solutions.
   
• Room Change: Please understand that requesting a room change is a last resort and comes with limited options. A room change may not resolve the underlying conflict and could be disruptive to your academic and social life. 

4. When to Seek Help

• Involve Your RA:
  If you’ve tried to resolve the conflict on your own but aren’t making progress, your Resident Assistant (RA) is here to help. RAs are trained to mediate conflicts and can provide guidance to help you reach a resolution.
   
• Utilize Mediation:
  Mediation isn’t about choosing sides; it’s about facilitating a conversation where both parties can express their concerns and work towards a solution. Consider this option if you’re feeling stuck or if the issue is particularly challenging.

5. Maintaining a Positive Relationship

• Check In Regularly:
  Regular check-ins with your roommate can help you both stay on the same page. These check-ins don’t have to be formal—just a quick conversation to make sure things are going smoothly can make a big difference.
   
• Respect Each Other’s Space:
  Living together doesn’t mean you have to spend all your time together. Respect your roommate’s need for personal space and downtime, and they should do the same for you.
   
• Celebrate Wins:
  Acknowledge and celebrate the positives in your living situation. Whether it’s a clean kitchen, a quiet study space, or simply getting along well, recognizing these moments can help build a stronger roommate relationship.
   
• Be Open to Growth:
  Living with a roommate is a learning experience that can help you develop valuable communication and conflict resolution skills. Embrace the challenges as opportunities to grow and become a better communicator.
   
• Stay Flexible:
  Things change, and so do people. Be open to adjusting your living arrangements as needed and updating your Roommate Agreement to reflect those changes.

Get Started on Your Roommate Agreement

Review the questions in this roommate agreement, discuss responses with your roommate(s), and schedule a time to meet with your Resident Assistant to submit the form.