Living with Roommates
Moving in with someone new can feel like a lot, especially if this is your first time sharing a room. Here's some reassurance up front: roommates do not have to be best friends. Some of you will grow close. Others will simply share a space well while living different lives, and that counts as success too. What matters is that the room works for all of you, and that comes down to three things:
- setting expectations early,
- speaking up kindly when something bothers you, and
- knowing you have support when things get hard.
Your Resident Assistant (RA) and the rest of the Residential Life staff are here for all three. You never have to figure this out alone.
When Something Bothers You
Almost every roommate conflict starts small: noise, a guest who stays too long. The pattern that turns small issues into big ones is silence. You let it slide, it happens again, and by the time you say something you are angry and your roommate is blindsided.
So bring it up early, and keep the conversation simple:
- Say what you noticed, without judgment. "The music was on pretty late last night." Not "You're so inconsiderate."
- Say how it affected you. "I couldn't focus, and I have a midterm this week."
- Suggest something specific. "Could we do headphones after 10 on weeknights?"
- Listen. Your roommate gets a say too, and the fix you land on together will hold better than one you dictate.
That is the whole method. Focus on the behavior, not the person, and revisit your Roommate Agreement if you need a starting point. Most issues end here.
When You're Stuck
If you have tried talking and things are not improving, ask your RA to sit down with all of you. A mediation is a structured conversation with a neutral staff member. The goal is a plan you both agree to, in writing if it helps.
A few honest things to know:
- We will always ask whether you have talked to your roommate first. Mediation works far better after a direct conversation than instead of one.
- If mediation does not resolve things, staff will talk with you about next steps.
- Room changes are a last resort. Space is limited, and a change is not guaranteed.
⚠️ If you ever feel unsafe, that is a different situation entirely. Skip the steps above and contact your RA, your Resident Director, or UCPD right away.
Common Questions
Can I have my roommate removed if things aren't working out?
No single resident can decide that. Conflicts get worked through with communication and staff support, and staff determine next steps if a situation cannot be resolved.
What if my roommate never cleans?
Talk it through and revisit your agreement. If nothing changes, ask your RA to help mediate.
What if my roommate is too loud, or I need quiet time?
Agree on quiet hours together. If the noise continues, name it directly, and bring in your RA if you need to.
What if my roommate has guests over constantly?
Guests need everyone's consent, not just the host's. Policy allows up to 2 guests with the agreement of all residents in the unit, so you are allowed to say no. Set expectations in your agreement early, and involve your RA if the pattern continues.
What about overnight guests?
Anyone staying past 1am counts as an overnight guest. Overnight guests are limited to 4 nights per month and need your roommates' consent ahead of time. If a partner is becoming an unofficial third roommate, that is a conversation worth having.
What if my roommate uses my stuff without asking?
Set a clear boundary once. If it keeps happening, involve your RA.
What if my roommate never talks to me?
Start small. Invite them to a meal or just check in. If the silence turns into tension, revisit your agreement or ask staff for support.
Can I request a room change because we just don't click?
Mediation comes first. Room changes are limited and not guaranteed, and "we're different people" is usually something a good agreement can handle.
What if mediation doesn't work?
Staff will discuss options with you, which may include a room change if space allows
What happens if my roommate moves out?
A new roommate may be assigned at any time. Keep their side of the room ready.
What if I feel unsafe?
Your safety comes first. Contact your RA, your Resident Director, or UCPD right away.
Who to Contact
- Your RA is your first point of contact.
- For ongoing issues, reach out to your Resident Director (RD).
- Not sure who to ask? Email hello@orl.ucla.edu and we will connect you with your Resident Director.
- For mental health support, connect with Counseling & Psychological Services (CAPS).
Everyone in our communities is responsible for knowing and following our housing policies.